For all the things my hands have held the best by far is you.
The journey
You gave me the first signals that you are ready to meet us and be welcomed in this world early in the morning. These signals became unbearable strong at 7 o’clock in the evening. I first came to know the pain to only discover almost one hour later the greatness of love.
I’m sorry because I wasn’t stronger and because in those moments when I felt that my body will collapse, and I prayed God to grant me the chance to see you for a second, I believed I won’t make it. Your heart felt my pain and my power that was vanishing so you signaled the doctors that they better find another solution to bring you in my arms. When they took you from my womb, that was so careful with you for nine months, they put you on a metal cart in a piece of cloth. My heart drowned in pain. I thought of how cold and unfriendly that metal must be for your tiny body. You weren’t happy there. I was so sorry and the physical pain it was nothing compared to this emotional pain I felt in those moments. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to react and how to ask them to be kinder to you.
In a few seconds, they already took you from the room and brought you to your father. But your heart was tired too. You found a way to protest to the way they “welcomed” you. You refused to breathe.
After another few moments when the pediatrician undertook all the needed medical actions, you gave this world a chance.
In the meantime, they put me to wait in a cold room. I didn’t know what was happening but my heart was in sorrow. My body was hurting and my mind was blurred. No one would tell me something, nothing at all. I didn’t know what was happening to you.
They were the longest moments of my life, I couldn’t wait to meet you, to see you, to feel your breath, to hold you in my arms. I was finally taken in another room where you were waiting for me and my body and heart and mind blossomed. I couldn’t stop the tears when I finally felt your tiny body on my chest. I was grateful! Gratefulness I never felt before.
And from there started the most exciting journey of my life, a roller-coaster of emotions.
After 2 days we came home and when I put you on the bed you hiccuped. Both your father and I were moving around you in a maniacal way because we didn’t know if this was normal or should we do something. From where the hiccups, it was a good sign or a bad sign? But you know my son, nowadays there is this all-knowing-tool that can give you answers (to some of your questions!). So, we asked Mr. Google what to do in case an infant is hiccuping and the solution was so easy. I had only to take you in my arms and nurse you so that your body could warm up.
Since that moment I knew that this will be an amazing ride and that you and I are bound in a miraculous way.
I knew that even I don’t know all the information and didn’t have all the solutions if I trust my intuition and I allow my love to show me the way, everything will be great. Well, the truth being said many times I felt I am not a good mother, I felt I might do something wrong that can harm you or make you feel uncomfortable. But you know, every time I didn’t know what to do I took you in my arms and you gave me so much confidence, you made me feel so strong, ready to overcome any battle and confront the whole world if needed.
Now, that you are such a brilliant, sassy, loving and lovely kid I want to tell you a few things. Many of the things I write here I have already told you and you seemed to understand them because I could see the sparkles from your beautiful brown eyes.
“How do you spell ‘love’? – Piglet“You don’t spell it, you feel it.” – Pooh (Winnie the Pooh)
My advice and wishes for you
I wish you to be kind to yourself because only being kind to yourself you can be kind to others around you. A lack of self-love brings conflict within you, helplessness and suffering.
Always stay humble! When you will be at the top of your dreams and have victories acquired remember that this is about you and not about the others. When your smartness urges you to say “look at me” defeat it. Other battles will come. You will lose some of them but it’s all right because that is a sign that you are taking risks, that you are challenging yourself, and that you are growing. My son, you will know that you grow only when you will taste the bitterness of failure. Don’t be sad, remember that in these moments you became stronger, that you come to know so much more than before, and that this will help you gladly receive the sweet feeling of achievement.
I would love to be able to tell you that you will only know the joy and the happiness and that this world will always treat you the way you deserve. This won’t always be the case. Many times you will feel that people around are mean, that they treat you unfair, that the life tricks you and plays around with your feelings. At those times remember you are love and love can receive everything with an open heart and can transform any adversity into an opportunity. An opportunity to know yourself better and to learn. This life is such an incredible gift and because it’s a gift you should always be grateful for all what it comes, good or bad.
What goes around come around. Be careful with your thoughts and don’t allow them to take you in dark places and nurture you with bad feelings like jealousy and malevolence. This will only destroy your heart and bring unhappiness in your life. You are so much more than a body, you are energy. Keep this energy clean and beautiful and the energies around you will harmonize with yours. Make the world a shiny place because you have this power! Be a light for others.
Dream, have faith and believe in yourself! When you draw your dreams in your mind the universe picks up these vibrations and if you believe strong enough magic happens. Magic is always happening! You just have to believe it!
Respect every being and be grateful for every breath you take! My son, nature is an incredible gift that God granted us to bless our lives. Go out there and meet nature, establish a strong relationship with it, marvel at its beauty and most of all respect and care for this relationship. Be kind, show love, and treat it as you want the person you love the most to be treated. Enjoy the sand tickling your feet, enjoy the green grass caress your feet, inundate your eyes into the blue of the sea, allow your body feel the soreness and enjoy that sweat when you conquer a mountain, breath in the pure air from the forest and let your nostrils feel the icy cold air from a cold winter day. Whenever you will feel sad go out in nature. Nature will take care of your heart.
Whatever happens, know that it came in your life at the right moment. Many times you will feel unprepared and surprised. Take a deep breath and search within you, in your treasure, the tools to unravel the unknown.
Life is above all a journey, make sure to make it beautiful. Share your knowledge, your talents, and whenever you can, give a helping hand to whoever needs it. By being there for others and together with others you will discover the sweetness of life. You are not alone but know that your happiness resides only within yourself. Don’t search for it outside or in other persons. You won’t find it anywhere else but in you.
I will always be here for you! I will be grateful for every moment of your happiness and be with you in your moments of sorrow. I know there will be plenty of unforgettable moments that we will build together, so let’s go for it!
With infinite love,
Mom